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Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.
Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.
For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing.
This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).
Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.
When I challenged him, he was embarrassed and then defensive saying it was just harmless flirting and that he had not gone over any line.
At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.
Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.
You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.
To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.
How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.
There is a big difference between a person occasionally viewing pornography with the knowledge and even involvement of their partner to a full-blown betrayal and using adult websites to start affairs with other people.
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